The Open Mike
Recently I discovered that open mikes were a thing and honestly I am just in love with the idea of coming up to the stage and just talking about stuff. I can't help but wonder about all the wonderful stories and experiences that would be shared on stage. What I'm going to write about below is this scenario I created in my head where I speak in one of those events.Romance is hard isn't it? It's confusing most of the time, at least for me it is. I like to think and define things, I care about understanding things a lot and romance or quite honestly love in general is something whose definitions are so hard to pin down. I have heard people say like "It's that feeling of butterflies in your stomach" but is that it? If all it was is this sensation doesn't love end when those sensations end. I have seen this happen, people slowly growing apart. Is that even love at that point. Isn't love supposed to be unwavering and undying or am I just a moron who have read too much? Honestly, yes.
There are a lot of layers to the act of confessing. On one hand it is really sweet as what you're essentially telling the other person is that "hey, I think you are a really cool human being and I would like to spend the rest of the time of my fragile existence with you". It's this really innocent and sweet emotion. That being said I can't help but feel like between those lines is this plea where we beg the other to not leave us alone as nothing feels special without them. At the end of the day no matter where you are or how high of a position you, are life would seem so empty if there is no one to share it with. Being alone is hard, being alone is painful.
Sometimes at night when I feel a bit restless and when I can't seem to fall asleep I wish I had someone to call whose voice would calm me down. I think there is this strange beauty in in the relationship of two lover's. There is this sense of vulnerability, this sense of psychological nudity if I'm being a bit crude. It also takes immense bravery to do that, to invite someone to look at you for who you are with all the good and the bad, to present yourself as the net sum of influences of the world around you. There is also a sense of tragedy in it as well. No matter how hard you try, one can never truly understand each other's thought's or how they truly feel. We simply cant read thoughts.
In the end love is this futile attempt to communicate and to understand. We fail a lot of times but we try again nonetheless. In the process of trying over and over again we one day might become this source of support and comfort for each other. Honestly this is what I think love is. That being said I honestly can't find myself accepting any of this. I'm simply not mature enough or mentally strong enough to carry on with these ideals. I truly hope from the bottom of my heart that one day I'll get there.
Thank you for your time.