Sophistication
Over the years, I've found out that only a certain type of people truly pique my interest. A certain kind of people with whom I want to talk more, to truly understand them, and know them. A friend of mine calls them 'sophisticated people'. In his words, "I think there are two kinds of people: 'sophisticated' and 'unsophisticated'; sophisticated people are the kind of people who'd understand art". I think this sense of 'sophistication' comes from awareness. Awareness about themselves and the world around them. Awareness isn't enough either; you have to sort of find your explanation and meaning, or the lack thereof, with everything.I think I have looked down upon people who refuse to think about and understand the world around them. I suppose this sense of disdain arose from the fact that I felt lonely being the only one who tried to think and understand. I didn't really feel like I had anyone to talk to about these things. I felt different from others. I felt like I didn't belong anywhere. It wasn't just that either, this 'sophistication' came with its own set of problems as well. All I saw when I looked at the world was the horror that came from my inability to find meaning.
Recently, I've started to have this realization that maybe this idea of sophistication doesn't really matter in the first place. I don't really think that one can look down on another because he thinks he has a richer internal world; one can never know for sure, and honestly, why does that even matter? This 'sophistication' you have is not because you are special, but because you were probably neglected, and isolated from everyone, at some point in your life. It is simply the result of prolonged loneliness. During this period, since you don't really have anything better to entertain yourself with, you started thinking about everything, and since then, you probably couldn't unsee it.
How I feel now is quite complicated; I don't really think people should be 'sophisticated'. No one deserves to be isolated that way or go through those overwhelming emotions. That being said, I do believe that having this sense of awareness and trying to make sense of the bigger picture is really important as well. Then again, reality is often disappointing. Sure, you could teach people to think, you could help them see, but I don't think people can truly understand any of it without the pain and suffering that comes with isolation and neglect. This reminds me of a line from the book, 'The Myth Of Sisyphus':
"Everything is ordered in such a way as to bring into being that poisoned peace produced by thoughtlessness, lack of heart or fatal renunciations".
Truth is, I don't really know what to do here. I don't think I can change anything either. These are just my musings.
Thank you for reading.