Good Thoughts, Bad Thoughts
Recently I listened to this song that made me think and rethink a lot of things. Now, to a lot of people, all of this might seem pointless, but these thoughts are important to me, and I couldn't give less of a fuck about what others think of me. This is simply who I am.The song is named 'Good Thoughts, Bad thoughts' and is made by the band 'Funkadelic' (
click to listen ). I have written the lyrics below so that you get a chance to understand why I thought in this way.
_______________________
Travel like a king
Listen to the inner voice,
A higher wisdom is at work for you
Conquering the stumbling blocks come easier,
When the conqueror is in tune with the infinite
Every ending is a new beginning,
Life is an endless unfoldment
Change your mind, and you change your relation to time
You can find the answer
The solution lies within the problem
The answer is in every question
Dig it?
An attitude is all you need to rise and walk away
Inspire yourself
Your life is yours,
It fits you like your skin
The oak sleeps in the acorn,
The giant sequoia tree sleeps in its tiny seed,
The bird waits in the egg,
God waits for his unfoldment in man
Fly on, children
Play on
You gravitate to that which you secretly love most
You meet in life the exact reproduction of your own thoughts
There is no chance, coincident, or accident
In a world ruled by law and divine order
You rise as high as your dominant aspiration
You descend to the level of your lowest concept of your self
Free your mind and your ass will follow
The infinite intelligence within you knows the answers
Its nature is to respond to your thoughts
Be careful of the thought-seeds you plant in the garden of your mind
For seeds grow after their kind
Play on, children
Every thought felt as true,
Or allowed to be accepted as true by your conscious mind,
Take roots in your subconscious
Blossoms sooner or later into an act,
And bears its own fruit
Good thoughts bring forth good fruit,
Bullshit thoughts rot your meat
Think right, and you can fly
The kingdom of Heaven is within
Free your mind, your ass will follow
Play on, children
So long, lady
Yeah...
_______________________
So yesterday I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown, now thinking about it, it was stupid and nothing went wrong. The thing with college is that it tends to pull you in various directions at the same time. There will be a point where you have to do a lot of things at the same time, and for me, that causes a lot of anxiety at times. There was a point where I was like, "Okay, I'm getting fucked in my head for no reason, let's calm down for a bit." I made myself a cup of black coffee and sat down and listened to some music. I was listening to "Maggot Brain" by Funkadelic, and this song came on next for some reason. The song feels like they are jamming, but all of them were in this mellow and melancholic atmosphere. It was perfect for introspection.
They start singing around 6 minutes (the track is 12 minutes long), and the way it was delivered felt otherworldly to me. It was like a wise old man trying to comfort me in a time of peril. It felt like someone was hugging me and whispering in my ear, "Hey buddy, calm down for a bit. You'll be fine; it's you we are talking about. You'll always figure it out. Have some faith in yourself." I just wanted to put my faith in that voice. I wanted to put my faith in this idea, but I'm terrified of doing that. A friend of mine told me something interesting recently: "All you can do is tolerate someone. How much you tolerate someone depends on how much you like them. At the end of the day, that's what love is."
This is why I'm terrified; the moment I start believing in something, I become blind to its shortcomings. I don't want that. I want to be able to rationalize and think through everything. I don't like to act on faith; I don't want to do good things and not do bad things because of things like faith, beliefs, or religion. I want to do good things because I simply want to. The action and the intention should be purely mine and mine alone. I don't want anything else distorting it, even if it feels good and eases my worries for a bit. If I do that, I would feel fake. I feel like I'd be putting on this mask. I'd rather kill myself than do that.
Doing this is hard; living life without having anything to hold on to is hell. I get why people have beliefs and faith. It helps them during times of uncertainty. It acts as this compass to guide you when your soul seems to be in disarray. What I am essentially doing is throwing that compass away, trying to comprehend the world with my own mind, with my own soul. I get to decide what is right and what is wrong with with my own thoughts and my own sense o empathy . It is my responsibility to make sense of the world around me. As lonely as it is, I pride myself in that.
Thank you for reading.
(26-07-02)