Transit feelings

Recently I've got the chance to travel alone a lot. I have to say that it is quite interesting to say the least. When you travel alone there is this sense of self reflection throughout the journey. I tend to think about life, my past and what I want my future to be.

There is this Radiohead song called "Let down", which I really like. When ever I think about my future I think about this song and how I don't want that to be me. At this point in time that is one of my greatest fears. It's this idea of working a job you don't like. It's about how every day becomes the same and how there is nothing worthwhile in your life to hold on to. You are simply alone in this world that doesn't care for you. As you live day by day repeating the same cycle, you simply become numb. There isn't anything in this world that makes you want to get out of bed, and you become this sad and depressed shell of a person you used to be.

Now frankly speaking that future is very unlikely, at least I hope so. There are friends I've made up to this point that I'll never let go off, and I wouldn't let that happen to myself. Honestly, it's a very childish fear so as to speak. That being said, I do have this vision for my future now. I wanna work a job that will help people. I don't really care all that much about having a huge salary. I just need enough to live comfortably. I wanna then come home and play guitar with my mates. I wanna go out and visit places with them. I wanna grow old with them. I want to see them go through their life along with me. I want to make cool little projects along the way as well. Truth be told sometimes I can see myself getting there and that makes me quite happy.

I often think about the past during these moments and honestly I'm proud of my past self as well. Now he wasn't necessarily the greatest guy. He was naive, he went about doing things the wrong way a lot, but he had a good heart. I feel like the core underlying principles that make me who I am as a person has never really changed throughout the years. He had this intuition that could tell what truly mattered and what did not. I always knew at the end of the day what truly mattered was people.

I am a very lucky man, and I have a lot of really cool people in my life and I'm really grateful for them. I don't really think they realize how grateful I am to call them my friends. I am a really pessimistic individual and for me most of the moments I've found some sort of happiness was when I was around my mates. There will be this one moment where I'd go "huh, this feels kind of nice. Maybe it's not all bad" I suppose for me it's what makes things worthwhile.

Thank you for reading.